Faction 2 and the Mayan occult have taken even more violating action to make my virtual reality imprisonment even more hateful. Basically, they have moved to deny me any kind of physical contact with the only person in my small 3D reality for whom I have any desire to contact, that is PF. I am not interested in really relating to people who think that because I am in a female body, they can do whatever the hell they want to me. I am not interested in relating to anyone who continually denies my own self expression and self protestation as to who and what I am, who and what I love, and how I see my future. I am not interested in relating to anybody who gets in my head, just so that they can control and deny me the reality and future that I see for myself. I am only interested in people who relate to me freely and honestly, and it is a terrible commentary on my condition, that right now, there is only one person who meets that criteria. Apparently, I am denied physical contact with her, because Mermaid is no longer there to chaperone. There is no question that she needed extensive medical treatment, although I think her problem was that she became a target of very high malevolence and nanoswitch flipping, just because she got involved with me.
Now, I try to be rational about this state of affairs. I try to tell myself to hold on--that one day I will be free of these dessicated, spiritless, occult mongering old men, and their boy perv apprentices, but you have to understand, that my misery, suffering, and abuse at the hands of these KaBalists have been going on for years now. I am tired of it. My life gets harder and harder, just as my body gets smaller and smaller. However, my spirit, resolve, and conviction gets larger and larger, and more self assured.
To be honest, I am just having a bad couple of days, because I find myself in a unusual emotional state for me--I feel guilty! I feel guilty that I cannot make the interdimensional leap, I feel guilty that I am not with my wife and kids, I feel guilty that I continually betray myself, and apparently PF, both in this 3D realm and the interdimensional one. The worst part is that, I am not exactly sure of what it is that I say or do that is wrong. I just wake up feeling that oppressive sense of guilt, and I can't just talk about it, free human to free human, to try to figure out what is wrong, and how to address it, because I have a group of mind controllers and handlers, whose sole intention is to keep me their personal female slave.
The only positive out of this whole mess, is that it is becoming increasingly clear that I am going to be responsible for finding my way out, and that means I won't owe allegiance to anyone. Once, I do figure the way out of this MATRIX, ON MY OWN, then it can become a free gift to all of humanity, which is different than the current occult status quo--where the ticket to interdimensional reality, ends up being just a stronger slave chain to a really corrupted, spiritually sick, coven of KaBalists, full of hate, rivalry, and an obsessive need to control.
It will happen. I have to stay strong. I have to resist the tendency towards depression and despair, and I intend to.