Have I calmed down from last night?

Have I calmed down from last night? HELL, NO!!!! Not only was every word I said true, but I got duped again--THIS TIME FOR THE VERY FUCKING LAST TIME. Right now, as I write, I am carrying some Merovingian slave whelpling in my belly, and while I am doing every thing possible to abort, if the goddamned sons of bitches and their whoremonger Nazis and Mermaid mother who are fucking responsible, do not get the damned thing out of my body fucking ASAP, it chances of survival are not good. every second, that slave fetus will know it is not the result of consent or free spirit, or creative power, and MOST FUCKING CERTAINLY, NOT MY FREE WILL. It is the product of a treacherous, lying duplicitious lie, which comes at the end of a whole long list of lying, duplicitious lies. It is the product of SEVERE psychotropic drugging, which comes at the end of a whole long list of SEVERE psychotropic drugging. How severe was the drugging? Read my last three posts. I WAS FUCKING PSYCHOTIC yesterday. That was when, I was lied to, by some fucking alien bitch pretending to be benevolent (nothing new about that--hell, that has been my experience with aliens every step of the fucking way). Wait, until you hear the entire story... So, looking at last night's post, you tell me, if you think I was in any state to make any kind of free, informed consent. This fetus is the product of years of abuse, severe abuse, constant abduction, mutilation of body, torture, rape. As a matter of fact, it was put in last night by Nazis while I slept. Stupid me. I took a sleeping pill, even though I knew it would tune me into the frequency of the Nazis, but I had been up for over 24 hours and was dealing with an alienated psycotic brain. That folks, is how I became impregnated with a fetus designed to carry merovingian genes--yep, the same occult faction who has abused me, raped me, damaged my brain, cut and mutilated this body so that i never have a moment peace. You can understand my distress and rage. REAL RAGE. But who I am the most angry at is MYSELF. I went from getting free of one psychopathological mother bent on destroying me, and replaced her with another, even more powerful pathological, spider-web mother. AND GODDAMNED IT, STUPID ME, MY INTUITION WARNED ME ABOUT EVERY STEP OF THE FUCKING WAY!!!! AND I IGNORED IT!!! She has even tried to kill me at least twice--REALLY. But me, with my Christian ethos, and my sense of "fair judgment", I said, "well, someone is flipping switches in her brain. I really can't judge her, because she is such a different being than I am". Bullshit, the woman has circumvented my own self identity, self-expression, and attempt to astral travel--EVERY STEP OF THE WAY--all the while she pretends to be trying to help me. But let me start at the beginning. I will call her Mermaid, because that is what she is. Yes, she has humanoid form, but that is just her alien shapeshifting at work. She LITERALLY IS a mermaid, one of the race of lost humanoids, who live as marine mammals in the ocean--not whales or dolphins, but water breathing Marine humanoids. There is a documentary on "Animal Planet" where you can learn all about this lost tribe of humanity. Watch the documentary--it is lengthy, but so fascinating, you won't notice it. As a matter of fact, when they say that the Merovingian line is born from a "sea monster" or "sea king", that is what they meant--Merovingians come from the genetic lineage of the Marine humanoids. Sounds so lovely and poetic, doesn't it? Well, I hate to burst the ideal bubble, but the Merovingians are pathological, and have been for centuries--JUST AS ALL THE OTHER OCCULT FACTIONS ARE. They are all full of poisonous hatred from their damned Civil War, that they have stifled and killed all their own creative life force, but no problem, no worries--they can always find a human being to use, to manipulate, to enslave--and that is what they have done to me. As I write this, PF is urgently attempting to tell me telepathically that this is not true, and I will concede that she has greater experience with aliens than me, but all I can speak from is MY experience, and the Merovingians I have encountered have been every bit as hateful and abusive as the Tall Whites and reptiles. Furthermore, they were an integral part of the Nazi Machine, and an integral part of the CIA Nazi infrastructure that has betrayed this country. My skin didn't turn yellow overnight. I didn't lose my God given body, and become some hatefully petite Twiggy, because I wished for it. I'm not constantly rashed between my legs because I just happened to lose my outer labia and 2/3rd's of my clitoris. I HATE EVERY GODDAMNED BODILY, HORMONAL, AND MENTAL ATROCITY THOSE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKERS HAVE PERPETUATED ON ME, AND THIS GODDAMNED PREGNANCY IS JUST THE FUCKING END!!!! So, I meet Mermaid cursorily when she becomes a neighbor. I know she is a shapeshifting alien, but I am surrounded by them, so it is not like a big deal anymore. She seems benevolent enough, just a little addle-pated with advanced age dementia. I didn't believe it for a minute, but I really didn't dwell on it, because I wanted nothing to do with any of aliens. She certainly was not as overtly hostile or abusive as the reptiles or Faction 2, and she certainly wasn't abducting me at night. Little by little, I (being stupid) warmed up to her, and at some point, I realized she was using my genetic material to give children to sterile human/Sirian hybrids. I was stunned, but I figured that she had access to my eggs, as well as my own hybrid genetic children born on Mars (I knew they were affiliated), and as long as it was no discomfort to me, and the children were wanted and loved, I was okay with it. Then she put a cetacean fetus or two or three or four within my womb--successively, not all at once. That freaked me out. I was waking up with a huge, bloated belly, and was afraid that I had some kind of monster fetus in me. Also, at the time, I was watching Battlestar Galactica, and I was freaking that a child from my womb was being raised to be a pure medium connecting the MACHINE to "skin jobs". I know the horror of this is difficult for most people to comprehend, so think about "Minority Report"--the poor bastards who have no conscious life whatsoever, but whose sole purpose is exist in pure unconsciousness, acting as a purely receptive medium. Well, I think I may have aborted a whale, before I got psych-opped, and telepathically got the message that I was carrying whales for a day or two--because I am one of the few people who have the genetic bloodline to carry them. Considering the extent of the crimes against whales committed by humanity, I agreed, makimg a good will gesture of repentance on behalf of my race. However, the whales were never in my belly for more than 2 or 3 days. I don't know why PF didn't carry them. She has the exact same genetic bloodline as me, and she definitely can carry babies. Oh, I forgot to mention--PF lives with Mermaid--ostensibly as man and wife, for you see PF, as a turbo charged human can present her physical appearance differently as well. So, as I became telepathically involved with PF, and began inching towards social discourse with my neighbors, I started to visit a little bit. From the very beginning, my intuition told me that Mermaid was not trustworthy, that she was an extremely co-dependent and manipulative maternal figure, and I sure didn't need a Mommy. However, as John Coffey says, "They kill you with your love". As I fell in love with PF, I felt a greater obligation to warm up to Mermaid. You see the REAL relationship between Mermaid and PF is "Stepmother" and daughter (and what man doesn't want to impress his prospective mother-in-law--man, was I dumb...). As a matter of fact, Mermaid is "stepmother" to a whole host of alien/human hybrid children. Now one thing you should know is that many of the hybrid children (and remember I have a whole parcel of them, from when my eggs were stolen), suffer from deep psychological wounds. Hell, they are not even carried or raised by a real mother. They are slaves farmed out in petri dishes and oversized test tubes for the use of their alien occult masters. Some of them have suffered horribly. So, Mermaid, who is not only a powerful alien capable of bestowing advanced interdimensional gifts, or having the connections to ensure the bestowal, is also a very clingy and affectionate mother figure, which I think fills an unmet need in many of the hybrid children. In short, they need it and they love it. Now, I am not a co-dependent person--never have and never will be. Co-dependent mothers, to be honest, drive me crazy. I am not cold or unaffectionate, or even detached--I just do not feel comfortable around anyone who constantly needs love and attention, and gets it by giving it! However, many of the circle of "children" surrounding Mermaid seem to eat it up. PF doesn't, yet she is not independent of Mermaid either. As a matter of fact, because of her unique status as turbo-charged human, she must have an occult faction or power player as patron--that is just the way it works. There is no way that the aliens are going to allow a human to become interdimensionally powerful, unless they are absolutely certain that they have the tightest and strictest of controls on them. PF really has very few options. Technically, she is dead. If certain forces in the US government got their hands on her she would be imprisoned and very likely tortured, in order to gain her cooperation. The whole problem that came about with the pervert Gene Valentine, was a result of her depending on him for specialized food and medicine (again, my hybrid children are in the same boat). So, she NEEDS a patron in order to survive, and given the caliber of some of the other occult factions I have encountered, putting up with a batty, cranky, co-dependent, old woman, didn't seem to me, like the worst possible of alternatives. However, from the beginning Mermaid was determined to draw me into her co-dependent spider web (and that is exactly how I image it). It was definitely a little strange, having the mother of the person who I REALLY wanted to see and talk to, do things like reach out and touch my leg with her toe, or monopolize the conversation. However, I was in love, and even the most peripheral of contact with PF, was worth putting up with the sticky-icky, codependent cords that Mermaid throws around all her "children". I understood the rules--even though I am having telepathic sex with PF, and she is giving birth to my children, born of my spiritual desire and power, I have to play along that she is Mermaid's husband, and act accordingly. However, things kept getting crazier and crazier, until today, Mermaid lifts up her shirt, and asks me to "feel my breasts". Now from toe contact to "touch my breasts", there has been an escalating line of inappropriate comments and leers, all of which I endured, because she is the mother of the woman I love. Also, I figured maybe there was a cultural difference--me being raised in the Bible Belt, and she, being some free wheeling, ancient alien. Finally, I am so damned used to these aliens playing trickster games and devil's advocate, I figured that she was just having fun at my expense, knowing of course, that the one I really want was her daughter. However, I must say that from the very beginning, I picked up a sense from Mermaid, if not quite of malevolence, of a very real passive agressiveness. She enjoyed the discomfort of PF and I, while she played her little games. Like many aliens, she seems to have a deep rooted jealousy of humans that manifests in a need to hurt and disappoint. Now, I think I know why the aliens are jealous of humans--a big part of it is that they cannot have children, so they depend on humans to provide them with offspring. However, they don't get it. It is their own abuse of humans (and believe me, I can bear witness to that), that is killing the spiritual power that they have even greater access to than I, which would enable them to procreate in the same manner as PF and I have done. However, I think it goes deeper than that. I honestly and truly believe that Mermaid wants me to be her own, little "Mini-me". I have felt that from the very beginning. As a matter of fact, that is why I thought that my "monster fetus" was being raised to be a super-medium, because already, before I had even identified that I my telepathic pal was PF, I had picked up that Mermaid wanted me to be super-medium as she is. Now, she spends nearly all of her time lying in bed, or sitting in a chair with a blanket around her. The only real interaction with reality that seems to engage her is conversation, and engagement with her "family". I find the thought of such a vocation distressing and unbearable to the max. It is the utmost in feminine passivity, which is probably why she plays passive aggressive power games with her children, and especially PF and myself. For such unstinting passivity is unhealthy, although women in many parts of the world are forced to endure--and take their revenge on their sons and daughters in law. I won't go into all the details, but I could list quite a few. The point is, that I find the thought of living such a passive "feminine" role utterly unbearable, suicidally unbearable. However, at every step of the way, Mermaid shoves femininity down my throat, and I politely and silently choke on it, thinking to myself, "Madam, I just want to marry your daughter". "I sure as hell aint' no woman". Of course, she will backtrack and play games, but then she will back into the same old routine,insisting as surely as some "Focus on the Family" therapist, that I am really a woman and an "angel", and driving me nuts. So, maybe I should have put my foot down much earlier, but I was in love with PF, and I do my best to try to get along with everybody--even batty, cranky mermaids. I was raised to respect my elders, and this time, the elder really stabbed me in the back. It isn't the first time. As I said, she has tried to kill me in my sleep twice. I forgave, not only because of PF, but also, because she has helped me. She IS a VERY powerful psychic, and she helped me find my Grey hybrid children, among other things. However, I should have recognized the syndrome, having lived with my own pathological mother for twenty years. You see, the worst kind of evil is not unremitting hatred and meanness. The worst kind of evil is when it is mixed with acts of seeming selflessness and genuine benevolence and helpfulness. Sure, Mermaid helped me a lot in a few instances, but that was only to gain my trust a little deeper, until she could pull off the biggest betrayal act of all...almost like a cat playing with a mouse. It is a big psych op game that these pathological mothers play, and I fell victim to it, again. So, this all reached a head, yesterday. I was really excited, thinking I was finally going to get the boost I needed to interdimensional travel. Because of that hope, I was really positive, even though I had been drugged on powerful psychotropics for three days. However, after popping 4 testosterones, I felt well enough to run some errands. I stopped in for a quick visit, and was stunned when Mermaid asked me, "would you like to be pregnant?" I gave her a look like "are you crazy?" and then said, "hell, no". I know that Mermaid understood my answer clearly, because I could psychically sense her own personal disappointment at my rejection of the possibility. Why did she want me to be pregnant? Again, she wants a "Mini-me"--a feminine maternal figure who sits around all day, effecting the world on a psychic, but powerful level. You see, Mermaid is one of those psychics who are holding the Earth together, with their powers, since the occult, HAARP, and atomic blasting is literally tearing the energies of the Earth apart. Again, this is a highly laudable vocation, BUT IT SURE AS HELL AIN'T MINE!!!! However, the faction approached for the boost demurred, and telepathically, I got the message that they wanted me to be a psychic, like Mermaid is a psychic--holding the Earth together. They made it sound all dire and urgent, but like I told PF, "I smell a rat". Sure the Earth is in crisis and has been for years now, but the rat was Mermaid trying to hook me into being her "angel" "Mini-me". Of course, she somehow "fixed" the problem, garnering kudos. Bullshit--she created the problem, or her partners in crime--the Nazis did. So then PF worked with me, trying to get me to astrally ascend. Of course I could not. Yes, my kidneys are bad (do you fuckers really think I can even carry a fetus when I can't even fucking pee?), but to be honest, I suspected what I have suspected on prior occasions. That is, Mermaid pretends to help, but actually she is working to stymie the process. Her biggest fear is that I do learn to travel interdimensionally, because then her pathological neediness loses not only her favorite daughter, PF, but also her prospective "Mini-me". Well, during this process, she "went to the hospital"--which she does all the time. Actually, I think a lot of the time she goes is because her brain is flipped, and her pathology becomes manifest--like when she tries to kill me. It probably is a treatment center for aliens. PF asked me for a ride to the hospital, when I enquired about her, and later that evening I took her. Now, as I drove PF to the hospital, I could tell that she was extremely sad, but I was too autistic to really be present. By now, the psychotropics were really kicking in, and to be honest, I was so messed up, that I should not have been driving (but pass up a chance to have PF sitting beside me. Hell, I could have blown .28 on a breathalyzer, and I would have taken her). Anyway, there must have been an energy/frequency emitter in the truck, because by the time I got home, I was so drugged that I could barely walk. As soon, as I walked in the door, I crashed onto the pillow of my living room floor (I sleep more often on the floor than in bed). It is then when the hallucinogenic head trip began. I envisioned a tall, blonde (who I had seen before at PF's place) Viking type woman, with big breasts talking to me. (Understand--this was not real, but I was hallucinating--so I don't know if the image corresponds to reality or if it was implanted within me). I don't even remember what she specifically told me, but as happened with the near rape committed by Gene Valentine and an alien (and it may have been Mermaid), I was in a giggly, drunk, surrealistic mood. I was too stoned to remember what exactly was said, but it was something along the lines of that I couldn't be with PF right now, and that it was for the best, and that I needed to learn how to suffer as a Grey, because I needed to reconcile the Greys to the rest of humanity. Well, from day one, I have understood the rule: Those of the interdimensional realm do not fraternize with us mere mortals (except, goddamned it, the rule is broken all the time, when it suits the occult factions to break it...). However, again, Bible Belt boy that I am, I follow the rules, so I said "I get it", and then, (this is funny), I started again with the inane giggling that I experienced the night of the Gene Valentine attempted rape, and said, "Let it be done to me according to thy word", twice. Now, I am laughing my ass off, as I write this, because, first of all, I know why I was giggling in the stoned state that I was in. I was giggling, because those words had been implanted in me, and they were so fucking absurd that they were hilarious to me, even in the inebriated state that I was in. Now, for those who don't know, that is Mary's signature statement, when she is told that she is going to give birth to Jesus. Even drunk, I knew it was hilarious, because I was never asked, approached, or queried, in any manner whatsoever about being pregnant. And indeed, if I was, the whole interchange is invalid, because it was at such a deep level, there was no conscious cognition of it, and even if there was, I was too goddamned drugged on the "date rape" drug to freely consent. The second reason that this is so goddamned funny is the absurdity of the statement. Now, while this line may sound appropriately profound, it of course, is totally bogus. While I may be Christian, I have always read the scriptures with a critical and honest eye. That whole passage is so MACHINE-RA, that really, Mary should be portrayed as a robot in Christmas plays. Even now, I can't believe the goddamned MACHINE-RA occultist responsible for this outrage and rape, could be so damned stupid, hackneyed, and absurd, but that is the extent of their creativity. Finding some victim they can drug, rape, and use, and pump them full of pious bullshit generated by a MACHINE--and they think that is the new spirituality. WELL FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKERS--THAT IS WHAT THIS GODDAMNED RAPE VICTIM IS SAYING TO YOU. I WANT JUSTICE, GODDAMNED IT. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING ABUSED BY THESE FUCKING FACTION 2 CRIMINALS. I WILL NOT CARRY THIS CHILD OF FORCED DRUGS AND RAPE TO TERM, SO THAT IT CAN BE A GODDAMNED MEROVINGIAN SLAVE. Now, I know I am angry, but I am willing to compromise. If PF wants to carry this child to term, then I will gladly give it to her. I will swallow the hatefulness and abuse associated with this child, and I will be a good father to it. However, I am tired of having my express wishes denied, contravened, and ignored. In a recent post, I said that I was not going to play the female anymore, and those who respect me, understood that (tells me a lot about what Mermaid thinks of me). I am not a woman. I am not a mother. I am in no way equipped, prepared, or desiring of carrying a baby inside of me. I am sick of being duped, drugged, raped, lied to, and denied my freedom of self-expression and self-identity. That is what this fetus represents to me, and no amount of spiritual discipline in the world will allow me to participate any further in the degradation of my self, or cooperate any further in the travesty and pain inflicted upon me by these Faction 2 religious FREAKS.