Monday, April 23, 2012

Losing my eyesight and temper

Losing my eyesight and my temper, as I struggle to survive these psychotropics and the Amon RA virus. My face is unrecognizable to me--that is normal when I am on psychotropics, but i also have abnormally deep set eyes, a Neanderthal brow, the tell tale lines of the Amon RA scooped markings, and most distressing of all, gouged out orbital sockets. I look like a freak, but I feel too badly to worry about how I look. spent most of the day sleeping in bed, because my torso muscles are so mutilated, it hurts to even try to move or lift my arms. hurts to type this. however, the most frightening thing was when i tried to read, and realized that print black typeset was a light gray. I had lost half my color saturation in one night. I went outside, and realized that i saw everything through a milky white haze, and my vision was severely damaged. even as i write this, i can tell that my visual acuity is severely damaged. Most distressing of all is that my left eye is now as bad as my right. This is so worrying, because i had the surgery on my left eye, and though the surgery cost me much more than i ever expected, at least i always could take comfort that i had one good eye. No longer. whatever is happening has destroyed all the surgery's good work. So, I went to try to get my eyes examined by my GP, and get some painkillers for the constatn pain i am in. lied to there, which of course frustrates me, but i know better than to go to local university hospital, that is run by nazis, so i decide to visit the opthamalagist who took such good care of me for so long. i know now that she is a hybrid child, too, but of course i didn't at the time. So, even though she is a good person and a real healer, she is a slave to the Sirian occult, as well, and ultimately was in charge of aiding to their agenda. To be fair, i do believe that her recommendation of surgery was the only real treatment option for improvement. nothing else was working. of course the best thing would have been for the KaBal to quit force feeding me the virus, but at that point, I had been forcibly serviced into the KaBal slavery as well, and the slavers were not going to do that. However, even though the surgery did improve my eyesight, i cannot feel good about the surgery. Not only did i lose all my eggs during that operation, but they also implanted my entire body, and I have never felt the same since. basically, it stole a lot of my physical and spiritual vitality, as well as much so much of my high energy and ability to concentrate, and though some days are better than others, still my best day, post surgery, comes nowhere close to a good day, pre surgery. I havent been able to hike, to run, to spend all night in a read, etc. ever since. I miss who I was. I know that one day, I will be a better, more complete person, but currently I am stuck in a difficult, painful hiatus, and when i am sick, in severe pain, and losing my vision, it is hard not to long for the beauty and joy of a life that i once knew. anyway, when i pulled up to the doctor's office, what do i see? An SUV with a huge CIA star decal on the rear window. I recognized the vehicle too, though i usually don't see it with a star. I know now that is the same vehicle that occasionally parks in my parking lot--it is a vehicle ultimately owned by my italian occult neighbors, but they lease it out to their favorite hybrid slave to run errands. At the time though, I just thought it was a related vehicle--the sirian faction buying multiple, similar cars, and this one just happened to have a CIA star on it. Now, if i had been healthy enough to think, i would have asked myself, "what field agent advertises his CIA affiliation?", and would have known that I was being set up. But at the time, i was just pissed that the CIA (or rather, the Italian occult faction) had gotten there ahead of me. The dr. took me in the office and stated her refusal to see me. I wasn't even sure that it was her. It had been two years since I last saw her, and with my impaired vision, she looked noticeably different, so i beganto suspect a CIA (from the SUV) shapeshifter, and I got angry at her, when she talked about how i would not follow her recommendation to have surgery again on my other eye. I told her i did not have the money (true), and then escalated, saying that i had learned my lesson after the first surgery, in which i had had my eggs stolen, and ended up with a bunch of slave children. Now, that was a hurtful and tactless statement to say to a woman who, ultimately is a slave herself. Had I been rational, i would have recognized that she had no choice in the refusal to see me, and would have just walked out, and exploded in anger in my vehicle, at the real perps of my torment (and hers)--the occult Sirians who own and control the hybrids which they cultivate in their Martian labs, and the unlucky sobs like myself. However, I was not rational, but out of my mind with KaBal caused pain, and so I let loose. To be honest, I also was a little hurt when I realized that she was a hybrid, too. I had trusted her completely, and had I known that she was a hybrid, and thus, compromised by her victimization by the occult, than I would not have felt so good about trusting her. I just thought that they were holding her medical license as a weapon to control her. Now ultimately, my realization that she herself is a hybrid slave, did not change my high opinion of her. I have the highest regard for her, both professionally and personally, but there is a disappointment that my honest and complete trust was duped so successfully by her, and maybe that contributed to the anger, though honestly and truly, I had and have no desire to confront her on the issue. I understand how the whole hybrid slavery system works, and I really do not hold any kind of grudge against the victims (hybrids), for being victimized. However, what really angers me is my own slavery. Rationally, I know that I was tagged for slavery from conception. No matter what, sooner or later, the reptiles were going to come for me--they wanted their "queen" to put out, and they had plans for the crystal skull download. However, luckily for me, I was afforded an illusion of freedom for so many years, and i embraced it with a fierceness and a fervor and a joy, that most people cannot understand, since they take freedom for granted. Having "earned" my freedom, after escaping an abusive home life, I never did. It is that illusion of freedom, which has been stripped from me, years ago, and that surgery was a huge part of it, for which I still miss and yearn and pine. It does no good to tell me that my freedom was all an illusion, because to me, it was real, just as real as the suffering and mutilated body pain from which I suffer now. Rationally, I understand that I have to move into a more genuine (interdimensional) freedom, but it is very hard for even a hard core "head tripper" like myself to be rational, when I am in so much infernal pain. Of course, the Nazis know that. I remember very early in my alternative reading, one of the pioneering whistleblowers (Phil Schneider?), began to have an inkling of suspicion, when he realized that his KaBal superiors were doing all these experiments on determining the human threshold of pain. In other words, how much does it take to drive a human temporarily insane, but without causing death or permanent damage? I have extremely high pain tolerance, so you can imagine the agony i am in. However, while I have apologized (left a message on the drs. voicemail), and sincerely mean it, I am not sorry about the content of what I said, for it is the truth. MY children WERE conceived and bred to be slaves, and insofar as they are free, it is because of the proactive intervention of positive aliens and positive interdimensional/psychic community. I don't know who the players were, though I am grateful to all those involved. Mostly, my genetic, hybrid children are in a safe place, now. It is my personal children, born of my consent, will and desire, for whom I worry. I know that they are not safe from the occult slave masters, and as a matter of fact, that may be while I am in such a quandary. I am not yet strong or free enough to rescue and claim my children, and so maybe my anger at having "slave children", may mot refer to my genetic hybrid children, but my own youngsters, of whom I am father, and PF is mother. So ultimately, the anger is directed at myself, because I am not able to protect and claim my own children, but am hobbled by the slavery of an occult KaBal which claims defacto power and rights over them. As I write this, I feel the anger rising again, but this anger is counterproductive. First of all, there is no benefit whatsoever to hurt a genuinely good person, who herself is not capable of acting freely. Secondly, I realize now that I was set up, and when i made a quick pit stop at a dollar store, I saw i was tailed by a grinning Faction 2/CIA operative (can spot their evil, sould out asses, just as quick as i can an amon-RA devotee), and i knew that i had done exactly what they had planned for me to do. Sickening thud in the pit of my stomach. What can i say? i am played, pestered, hounded and harassed by so many different operatives of so many different factions, that i cannot stay a step ahead. however, i know this--they deliberately r trying to provoke me into anger, and i have to work better at controlling it, or i am going to end up in greater pain than before. finally, let me finish by saying that insofar as any hybrid thinks they are not "slaves"--and that includes the one who just walked in front of my window, you are so wrong, and partly that statement truth's is especially directed at you. A turbocharged slave is still a slave, and it is better to be a simple and free 3D human than a turbocharged slave. Sadly, I think a lot of these mind controlled types (specifically thinking of the Faction 2 boy pervs), have lost all morality, perspective, and human ability to relate and feel, because they are so hooked into some mental fantasy about how special they are, and how they are going to be the administrative rulers of the future Earth. Bullshit, boys. You are slaves--and instead of torturing me for your masters, you should be trying to help me, the one who is looking for the master key to freedom. Thank God that the hybrid slaves I know, love, respect, and wish to help (and that includes the good dr.), know that they are slaves, because the truth is the keystone to all change and transformation in REALITY. All the MATRIX programmers do is restructure the illusion, and think they are such hot, special shit. Well, they got the last part right anyway. As for me, I will be the first to admit I am a slave, and that my children are vulnerable to a lifetime of slavery to these KaBal soulless, dark entities, whose strongest weapon is to beguile with lies and deception. However, I may be a slave, and i may be out of control of my unconsciousness, but consciously, I will never serve evil, and I will free my children--all of them, each and every one.

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