woke up too sick to do morning read. dont think i was violated, raped last nite--just too much viral fluid in me to handle. hands are comletely numb with shooting, fiery pain. arms so cut off, miserable. brain is too autistic to even think. going to lay down, in quandry. in order to ascend i need to work thru presonal issues, cant do that when im so ill, can barely move, and only long for death. shoulders so mutilated hurts to sit here, maybe later, i feel better.
just realized part of problem---no testsoterone. not enuf to function. lay down.