Somebody is looking out for me--unfortunately, I suspect Faction 2 of planning on ever more devious mind control attacks on my already damaged brain, which they have hacked, flipped/switched, and fried with multiple chemicals and hormones. They will not be happy until they have lobotomized me into a passive dependent female they can fuck all night, and groove on all day, while I am zombie plugged into MACHINE-RA.
First of all, I would like to give thanks to whoever is looking out for me. I probably was abducted more than once last night--by the hostiles of Faction 2, as well as perhaps a group of friendlies. This morning, I was dismayed when I saw my fingers, and saw that they had been shortened yet again, so that I now have stubby, children's fingers. Since, in another lifetime, to which one day I hope to return, I play fretted instruments, losing digit length is not just about aesthetics. However, when I went to shower, I found out that actually, last night someone had lengthened my arms, making them so much more comfortable. My arms really were shortened to the point of absurd discomfort, but I am so used to just ignoring the discomfort of my mutilated body, that I wasn't aware of the welcome change, until I went in the shower, and could actually wash myself without strain and effort. So THANK YOU, kind person, whoever tried to ease my suffering a little bit.
I also got a "nose bob", which again, took a while to appreciate, because the truth is, I haven't liked the way I look in weeks now. I no longer recognize my face at all, with the lost cheekbones, and the fat jowls, with fluid pouches, making it difficult to even smile. I used to smile all the time, and my oval face, while not beautiful in the feminine sense, was certainly attractive to me, as a lesbian. Now, I have got a Herman Munster face and forehead, with an elongated, rectangular, freakish looking face, and to be honest, I don't look in the mirror much anymore.
I know that one day, I am going to get my body (including my fingers) and face back, in a likely upgrade, that will make me happy. There is no use longing for my old face and ruddy-brown skin color, which I loved and was proud of--it is gone and it is not coming back, and I have accepted that. Still, again, it was kind of someone to try to make my face more symmetrically even by bobbing off my once, very Scottish nose, which is a long nose and worked handsomely in my former, oval, high-cheek-boned face, but not so well in my fat-jowled, rectangular one. So, again, thank you, whoever is trying to look out for me.
Then, there is the insidiously evil and belligerently aggressive cliques of Faction 2, which have repeatedly ignored my stated wishes, and acted against my best interests, which not only has left me alienated and wary of any trust bond, but also demoralized and divided. It is the relentless, never ending abuse of this same Faction 2, which I believe is responsible for my dysfunctional attempt to heal and unify my unconscious. I know that acting out and role playing different characters and attributes is a juvenile approach to the maturation process. I would much prefer to deal with people on the level, and if I were in a safe, supportive environment, I could do so, but I am not. I constantly am abducted, and the most egregious violations against my conscious and free will occur, on a near nightly basis. This intensifies the hidden fears of the repressed unconscious, and causes it to act out dysfunctionally even more. I know this, because again, going back to my own personal history--I know how I did personal psyche work when I felt supported in my environment, and when I felt unsupported and even unsafe. I am now in the latter position, and have been so, for years. For a long time, I was able to draw on emotional and spiritual reserves, but now I am tapped out.
Never fear, though...Faction 2 has a plan to gain mind control over a proposed subject for every possible contingency. Now, I think they want to use their Grey and Tall White technology on my brain, to "resurface" memories. So very altruistic of them--like the snake giving Eve the apple, so she would know all knowledge of good and evil.
I need to heal the repressed memories of my psyche. I SURE AS HELL DON'T NEED FACTION 2, AND GREY TECHNOLOGY TO BUTCHER MY BRAIN TO DO SO!!!! From what I am reading on the web, the technology is to identify and "laser beam" individual and bundles of neurons that they can identify as hidden. What they don't tell you, is that I think Faction 2 actually implants false memories in those neurons. I think that is a huge part of how they control people--and especially hybrids, whose neonatal brains are wide open to their laser scalpel for months. What they also don't reveal is all the switches and trap doors they put in any hapless, trusting soul, who is foolish or desperate enough to undergo any kind of such brain invasive procedure. If they can't control you one way, they will control you another.
Now, I have to tell you, and this is honest and from the heart--I have personally encountered about 2 dozen Faction 2 "heavies" and/or their junior apprentices by now, and every single one of them makes my skin crawl. From the spiritually dessicated and emotionally constipated Templars, with their neatly trimmed beards to the understated suave and crossed legs of the "Bond, James Bond" power broker observers to the spastic, boy perv posses--THEY ALL GIVE ME THE WILLIES. I wouldn't trust any of them to give me an aspirin, much less to do brain surgery on me, with a technology that I KNOW comes from humanity's greatest and most hateful enemies and slave masters--the reptiles and Greys.
The unconscious will resurface and heal, when it is ready, and now that I know (and remember it has only been two or three days), what needs work, I am committed to working on it. I don't expect it to take years, but days or at utmost, a few weeks. It would be helpful if I were in a supportive environment with supportive people, and to a limited extent, PF helps to fill that role. Consensual sex is the great emotional healer for me, opening up my feeling state wide open. Then I go to sleep, and the pervs of Faction 2 go to work on me, and I wake up feeling violated and closed off all over again (Jesus, do I have to remember THAT SHIT, too?).
It is not that hard to get me to heal. RESPECT MY FREE WILL AND MY CONSCIOUS DECISIONS. QUIT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF AN ABUSED CHILD, YOU GODDAMNED, PERVERTED FREAKS FROM HELL! THE MORE YOU ABUSE ME, WHILE I AM IN THE UNCONSCIOUS STATE, THE MORE I DESPISE YOU. I WANT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THESE ABUSIVE ELEMENTS OF FACTION 2, OR THE ITALIAN OCCULT FACTIONS. PERIOD.
Now, I know that there is a lot of unconscious work going on right now--I can tell by the cracks in my own personality. However, I think there is also a lot of mind control manipulation going on, with post hypnotic commands given to me, which I then act on both consciously and in the interdimensional state, with the faction and family that I love and trust. That is increasing the chaos and fragmentation of my unconscious, despite my best efforts to heal it. Remember, that the whole point of the satanic abuse I endured as a child is to disassociate, so that hypnotic commands can be implanted. There is no doubt in my mind that the Amon RA cult knows exactly what hypnotic triggers were programmed into me as a child, and they have shared that information with Faction 2 and the Italian occult KaBal. I also suspect that they are hacking into my mind while I enjoy sex with PF, getting the frequencies of my orgasmic state. Then, in the abduction scenario, they implant false images (they always do that shit), and play the frequencies back in my own brain. They also know how to manipulate the real images and memories that I have. I recently have begun to suspect that they have cracked my positive memories of my neighbor, Charles. I liked Charles, but Charles is no more. Instead, some shapeshifting alien is deceiving me in the unconscious realm, with memories and images of Charles. FUCK YOU, SATANIC SPAWN!!! What kind of fucking EM and deceiving, lying rape is that? And you think those perverted, rapist bastards want to "heal" my memories?
However, no matter how they try, these creeps cannot break my conscious Self or free will, so now, they want to take their evil machinations a step further, and they hope to alter my entire personality through the implantation of false memories and flipping God knows how many switches...Well, I say, "NO". My biggest fear is that my wishes will not be respected. You know, there are supposed to be "interdimensional cops" who regulate this state of affairs, but I have figured out, that they are just like cops in this 3D world. That is, they will bust the shoplifter, and the street corner dope dealer, but the men in $3K suits, embezzling trillions, and the rogue security agents bringing in tons of illegal drugs, do their dirty work with impunity. These guardians are not interested in preserving the interdimensional protocol of contact; they are interested in preserving a status quo which is abusive and corrupt.
From my end, I especially worry that they will ask me for consent in the interdimensional realm, and I fear that my risk-taking, "don't give a damned" juvenile will come to the fore and agree. Or for that matter, they already have placed a post-hypnotic command in my head to agree. You know, it is interesting, that earlier, I was thinking about this, and actually considering it. It was like some kind of hypnotic veil was over me, and then my real Self broke through, and my OWN inner voice was literally screaming at me, "NO, NO, NO". Powerful mind control programs, these hypnotic commands, and thanks to the abuse that I endured as a child, these perverted creeps can flip me at will.
I know it seems hard to believe, but I think I am getting better, but it is hard to get well, when flies and varmints keep picking at the scabs and reopening wounds. I only remind and ask those who love me to have faith and trust in me, my true Self, my conscious Self. I will be alright--it is just going to be a process. It is not even the childhood abuse that sickens me now--it is the hidden thought of all the Faction 2 sexual abuse, which is occurring, while I am an adult...
Well, time to fortify myself for the nightly horror show that is my life...