Another lost day

Another lost day--walking around with the brain tumor syndrome--too much fluid on brain--unable to take in any stimuli. may be on psychotropics or may just be too much viral fluid. all i know is that day is sheer hell. too sick to exercise--walked up down alley a few times, but every muscle in my body is locked, rigid. My lower back muscles so rigid i am afraid they are going to go painfully out--since they no longer are in natural skeletal relationsship. no flexibility or give in any of my muscles whatseover. muscles used to be locked but i used to have such extensive musculature that i would still find a little bit unaffected, and could stretch and exercise. no more. my body is so fucked up with this virus and so unable to enjoy anything of being human that i just want to die. there is no enjoyment in anything. except i know that i have to fight the future. the "ascension" and "ascended masters" are liars of the worst possible kind. only thing keeping me going is knowing that I have to fight back, if i don't, others will suffer the same horrible agony that i now endure. wish i could just know a little bit more about what is going on. i am afraid that i am selling out in my sleep. i think it is the evil spirit of deception --I keep insisting, that who i am in my conscious life and choices is who i am, but the evil luciferians who expend great effort at mind controlling me, does not honor that. going into a psychotic state. eyes literally cant stay open to write this. God, please end this hell that is my life. Please. tired of suffering.