The longing for death goes stronger

The longing for death goes stronger as I struggle with the latest outrage done to me by the fucking Sirian pigs. I am not sure what the evil pieces of shit have done. My dreams tell me that they have messed with me hormonally, so that I no longer am testosterone dominant, yet I still have a lot of testosterone in me. I can tell because of my deep voice. It is not enough, but I can't take any synthetic testosterone, because I also think they increased the viral download, so that I am finding it difficult to breathe. I am plugged up with mucous--nose, mouth, throat--everywhere. That could be from excessive estrogen, but it could also be from the excessive virus. Then on top of all that, there is the severe depression, a suicidal depression weighing on me. I want to die TODAY. I have no ability to think or to feel--and again, that is a result of low testosterone. I am so autistic that I am not even in reality. I think they have hooked up female hormones as primary one, but my body and brain not designed for it. I think I am suffering from accelerated virus, which makes it difficult to breathe. The physical, mental, and emotional torment I am in is indescribable. No doubt the fucking goddamned religionist idiots think this is some prelude to conversion. This is a prelude to suicide. trying not to go to dr because sooner or later my body will suffer failure from my inability to oxygenate. I can't wait. MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, I LONG FOR DEATH, until then my only prayer is that my suffering helps bring downfall fo the pigs who have done this to me.