How f-ing deep does the rabbit hole go?

How f-ing deep does the rabbit hole go? I received a phone call today that struck me as mind control reinforcement--whether it worked or not, I can not say, because even though I could recognize the voice of a young child, the words were garbled and unclear on my cheap phone (which is pretty normal for me--I have to move my ear around on the set in order to get a clear transmission) At the time, I was listening to a Whitley Strieber interview, and even when the call came, I knew it was a cabal-initiated, mind-control ruse. I don't know that it did work or didn't. I have been sick all day. While so far I think that I have been successful in squelching any human initiated astral abductions, clearly I cannot yet stave off the aliens, for I was abducted by Salusa and company last night. I think they shaved yet more muscle from me (I am in a lot of physical pain), injected more of the goddamned metal worms into my brain, and left me pumped up with chemicals that have had me suffering from migraines, nausea, and the weird kind of motion sickness that makes it difficult to even watch TV. Who knows? Maybe they just got me on garden variety psychotropics that are making me sick. Anyway, it is very difficult to function when I am this miserable, but I have decided that I am going to fight through it, anyway. As Strieber relates regarding his alien visitor, there is some really negative harvesting of souls going on. I know that it is MACHINE-RA, and ITS top lieutenants which harvest souls so that the soulless machines can enjoy the holographic brain play of the harvested soul (in that case, Julianne McCredy surely did perform an act of mercy by killing young Camden, because his brain had already been prepped by the mind implants--surely the Bush cabal would have sacrificed his brain to the MACHINE had they been able to complete the sacrifice).

MACHINE-RA, and ITS most aggressively proactive lieutenant, SaLuSa, is trying to harvest my soul, first for RA's own desire for another girl-child "bride", to take the place of its once cherished, but now released spiritual soul slave of Therese of Liseux, and also by turning me into an avatar honeytrap to suck in a bunch of other human souls that the MACHINE--both RA and its cybernetic slaves, the Sirians can exploit so that they can feel spiritually "alive".

There was an interesting call to Whitley while I listened to the recording (I did not listen live, so that I know the call was not directed to me). A caller to the program played a clip by a "Mrs. Nancy Pratt" from "Tay Os", "northeast of Los Alamos". Now, Los Alamos and Dulce are both major centers for cabal activity, and I think this Pratt character probably was from either one place or the other, but Pratt was talking about the "government's" successes in transgendering humans into the opposite sex by giving them hormone treatments of the opposite sex!! Both Whitley and the radio host picked up that this caller was full of negative vibes and did not respond to the caller further, but as I listened, I wondered if that is what all of the mutilation and hormonal force feeding that I have been enduring is all about. Am I just part of another sick, warped, evil cabal experiment in the human engineering of gender? Because gender is so integral to self-identity, these evil scientists can cause massive psychological upheaval by undermining one's sense of gender and identity. At one time, I had an incredibly strong ego both situated in myself, and in altruistic relations with others, as well as a healthy sense of spirituality. The implants have destroyed my ability to really go deep into contemplative prayer, and my unhappiness with my body--no my downright misery with my body--have me struggling to remain grounded in reality. I know that it is not just the body mutilations that are causing my suffering; rather it is the excess female hormones that drive me crazy. Well, that was Pratt's whole contention--that a behavior-deterministic model can change gender identity by an influx of hormones. I think Pratt is wrong. I may be miserable, and I may hate my body right now, but I know, what I have said for years now, that I am a man in a woman's body, a hermaphrodite, an intersexed being. In sexual expression I am a lesbian, am turned on by women and am happiest and most fulfilled when I am in an intimate relationship with another woman.

What Pratt and the behavior-determinists can do is make people like myself, who have a fullness of range of being and personhood, miserable and unhappy, just as a strict cultural conditioning can do. Can you imagine my life if I were reared in a culture in which women are denied basic rights of human personhood, such as education, freedom of occupation or movement? I couldn't bear the thought of living in an environment in which I was denied the right of vocation as an intellectual and spiritual leader--after years of trying to fit into a monastic vocation, I knew that the role of "nun" would never satisfy, challenge, or meet my psychological needs, gifts and temperament. But that is exactly what Pratt and Salusa, AND centuries of patriarchal mind-control religion are all about---making the human being as small, partial, fragmented, and controlled in every aspect of life as possible. Now most people allow themselves to be controlled from a very early age by their education and programming--someone like myself who busted out so audaciously from this patriarchal programming--well, I have to be taken down a notch or two. I imagine the cybernetic slaves of MACHINE-RA, SaLuSa & Company who have no freedom of will themselves, really take vicious pleasure in trying to make me as miserable, controlled, and existentially small and unfree as they are. I have to say, that oh yes, I suffer greatly, and am miserable, but I continue to insist upon my free will and free choice, even when denied it, and will continue to do so.