New day, new psychotropic drug

New day, new psychotropic drug--same old shit from the same old pricks over and over again. I woke up in the middle of the night, dreaming that a teenage girl was seducing me. I also had the wetness and severe migraine headache that told me that once again, MACHINE-RA was attempting to mind-control me through orgasm in my sleep. I am not very happy about this. I have absolutely no designs on any teenage girl. I may appreciate their peak beauty, but I just don't find psychological immaturity and innocence sexy. Anyway, in the middle of the night, I had to take a phenergan, a fiornal, and alka seltzer, because of migraines and dizziness associated with whatever psychotropic drug I was force fed in the middle of the night. I still am dizzy and my eyes are fixated and locked. I lifted my eyes to look at the sky, and I can't even lift my eyes.

And no doubt, all the good Catholic people wonder why I am so angry and completely closed off to any dealings with the institutional church of their preference. This is why---I have gone through YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS of this drugging and abusive bullshit. How many times do I have to declare what it is to be human, a free person, a spiritual person? Instead, I have to constantly suffer from this shit. And I am suffering. I am not able to read or do any in-depth research. My house is a mess. I need to go to the laundromat. I have to try to exercise to keep this fat body from getting even heavier.

GODDAMMIT, THERE A DOZEN OF PRESSING DETAILS I NEED TO PURSUE AND RESEARCH, AND I CAN'T DO IT, BECAUSE I AM TOO FUCKED UP ON THESE PSYCHOTROPICS. There are loose nukes floating around out there--I need to be attentive to that, and I can't. I need to reread entire books of the Bible with a fresh pair of eyes, and I cannot. I need to figure out how to heal myself (I know from bitter experience that if I don't do it, it won't happen....) So much I need to do, and just cannot--even writing this brief post has taken every last drop of energy I had. Think I am going to rent some dvds and buy water and come home and vegetate on whatever chemical is frying my brain now.